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I want to get paid for my writing and my work,and get steadier teaching work. Maybe this career that I have hoped for myself is not for me. I have been 'fighting' alone for what seems to be years.

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I did not have a solid relationship with my doctoral advisor and the one with my boss was less than ideal. I enjoyed being in grad school but got a fellowship in my last year of studies that required me to finish my studies within the year. I graduated in 5 years when the average is 7. In the run, I feel I lost because I did not have enough time to publish and put myself in a better postdoc. Now, with this setback, I do not where to go next or where things go. I have a good relationship with my mom and she wants to me after several years now. She is good at helping me through tough situations and I could try to reach out from back home.

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I'd like to listen to my mom and what happen after that. If I stay here, I only spend the few savings I have and still won't get nowhere because I do not have 3 letters of rec. Once I come back, I have to volunteer in a lab, make connections, and start to get recommendations from other people since I am afraid to reach out to some people I know. I spoke to a friend tonight the same one to whom I told about my termination and she again emphasized that it be best to apply for other jobs but not tell my old advisor as she not be happy nor supportive as I try to move forward.

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