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If you make it your problem, then they're manipulating you just as surely as she is. Bottom line: Either family steps up and manages things, or social services take over for them. No way you should step in when your voice is not even considered. She not get all the care she wants, and it not be provided by WHO she wants, or the way she wants, but that's life.
Her choices have consequences, and they should not be absorbed by you. It really is time to shake her loose. It was never your job to begin with. When family and social services you are no longer available, they have no choice but to step up. Look at it this way, it's the healthiest reaction, and whether or not she realizes it, it's the best thing for her, as well.
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